Don't Know Why
by GEM8
Summary: Post Epphanies Laura's life has been saved by Sharon's unborn child. Laura must face the reality of her survival and it is not easy. She has one burning question and William Adama is the only one she will trust to give her the answer.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Don't Know Why

Author: GEM

Date written: 2/11/06

Rated: K+

Word count: 1,186

Story Timeline: Post Black Market

Category: Drama

Warnings: Tissues may be needed

Characters: Roslin/Adama

Summary: Denial and Realizations

Spoiler: season 2 Episode 214

Laura Roslin sank down into her chair and threw her glasses on top of the report that the Admiral and Captain Adama had left. Why did she do that? She'd acted like such a bitch. Why?

Laura sat back and put her head in her hands. _This isn't as easy as it seems. I need to be strong even ruthless at times. Lee is right there will always be some sort of black market. I don't want to accept that but I believe him. We don't have a strong economy and people have to survive._

She was torn. She picked up her glasses and put them on then she read the report again. Lee's investigation was spotless and his answers to her questions were sound. She knew he would look after this. He had a personal stake in the matter. Lee reaction to her dismissal of the two of them didn't bother her as much as the reaction of the elder Adama. There was something about the way he looked at her that made her cringe, it made her heart ache and she didn't know why.

She was very happy to be alive and it was all thanks to him. William Adama took a risk. She didn't know why she had spent the last three weeks obsessing over it either.

Was she mad at him for his actions? He did disobey an order from the President. She thought about this as she read Lee's closing statement on the report. No she wasn't mad at him. She had come to rely on him and she has pushed him away. She needs to act. She can't deny her feeling anymore.

----

_She's pissed at me, at us. I don't know what she wants we did our best. We will always have to deal with a black market. I know she knows that. We are always at each other. I wish it didn't have to be that way. _

Lee has left and now I'm left with my own thoughts. Lee has been a concern. He hasn't been himself. He's distant and looking for comfort in the wrong places. What am I looking for? Am I looking for comfort?

_I'm upset. I feel regret over how I left things after our meeting._

Her cold demeanor hurt him. She hasn't talked to him since her recovery. She's been clearly avoiding him.

He is also guilty of avoiding her. He's been hiding behind the rank, the job. He needs to act. He can't deny his feelings anymore.

---

She walks off the shuttle the determination clearly displayed on her face. As she walks down the corridor she has a one-track mind. She needs to get to him. It's late the crew won't see. They don't even mind when she's here anymore. They have gotten used to her presence.

---

He's nursing his third drink when something in him breaks. He has to do this now. He can't just sit here and deny his feelings. He needs to act. He stands up, buttons his uniform jacket, and walks out of the hatch and down the corridor.

---

She turns the corner and runs into something- no someone and falls to the ground. She waits a moment before opening her eyes. They have reflexively closed due to the impact. He kneels on the ground and touches her face. She knows it's him she's memorized this feeling. The sensation is the same as the time he helped her stand up on Colonial One. She was weak then but his touch was soft and his hands were strong as if willing her to live a while longer. The same touch now was willing her to be all right.

"Madame President?"

She opened her eyes and was met with a concerned face. "Hello, Admiral. Sorry to bump into you like that."

"Are you alright?" _Please be all right. Please say I didn't hurt you._

"I'm fine." _I answer as a sit up._ _I sit against the bulkhead for a moment to get my bearings. _"Where were you headed in such a hurry?" _I decide it's a good question to start a conversation. Hopefully by the end we won't be ripping each other apart. He smiles a little as I finish the question._

"You're not going to believe this but I was coming to see you."

_He extends a hand and helps me stand up._ "Really, that's funny. I was coming to see you." _He looked surprised at my admission. _"I didn't like the way we ended things earlier."

"Neither did I." _She smiles at me and we decide that we should take this conversation elsewhere so we walk back to my quarters._

---

"I've let things slide. I want the best for the fleet in this situation and keeping the black market operational is not for the best." _There I said it. I take a drink and it's cold going down. I said my piece but I haven't told him the whole truth._

"The thing about war is that there will always be things we don't like about it. The black market is a safety valve. You may not like it but it exists. If we take it down it'll be bloody and the fleet will be worse off." _I take a drink and wait for a response. I don't expect what she says._

"You're right but that not the real reason I'm here." She's stepped off the cliff now. Hopefully he will be there to catch her. "I don't know what's happened to me. I stared death in the face and I've found that my life is missing something"

_My heart stops at her admission._ "What are you missing?"

"Love." She's holding her breath and she stares down at the table they are sitting at. She can't look at his face she can't see the disappointment. It will break her heart. "I know it not what you were expecting. I know you don't feel the same way."

"You're wrong." He says as he reaches for her hand. She looks up at him. "These last few weeks have put me through the ringer. Laura. I've come to realize that I can't live without you. I don't know where this will end up but I know I need you."

She wasn't expecting that confession but she could tell by his expression that he was dead serious. "I didn't mean to hurt you tonight. I was busy. I was pissed at both of you and I didn't trust myself to say anything. For what it's worth, it hurt me just as much as it hurt you."

He brings her hand up to his lips. "I didn't mean to hurt you either. We were just trying to tell it like it is. I trust Lee he will keep an eye on them. I don't want an apology Laura. I want your friendship. I want your love."

He let go of her hand and stood up. He went over and stood in front of her. She looked up at him, tears in her eyes. He brushed a lone tear from her eye. "You have it Bill."


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Don't Know Why 2/?

Author: GEM

Date written: 2/28/06

Rated: K+

Word count: 1,186

Story Timeline: During Scar

Category: Drama

Warnings: Tissues may be needed

Characters: Roslin/Adama

Summary: Denial and Realizations

Spoiler: season 2 Episode 215

This was a problem. They needed to oversee this mining operation, they needed the ore to build new vipers, and they needed more personnel than they had available. Adama had been worrying about these issues for hours, wondering how this problem would be resolved.

That wasn't the real problem. The people aboard the Galactica were capable of protecting the miners while they worked, the job would get done just as it always did. No, Bill Adama's problem was Laura Roslin.

Alright so it wasn't really Laura as much as it was what to do with her. She was stubborn. She was the President and she would make it clear she was staying with her people She wouldn't stand for being treated differently because she was the President.

He honestly didn't blame her. The press would eat this up. The truth was that he needed to protect her and while he trusted the Pegasus Commander to protect the fleet, Laura Roslin was something completely different. He trusted no one but himself to protect her.

So why was it that he was scared out of his wits to admit this to her?

_It's because you love her you know that. You just have to be honest with her. Everyone has weaknesses._

----

She was happy today. Things were looking up. They found a huge mineral deposit that they would be able to build vipers from. It was a good day. _So far. _She wasn't sure how long it would last. She had a meeting with Bill in a little while and she wasn't looking forward to it. She liked his company but she had an uneasy feeling that he would bring up his plans for this mission. _You know he's going to mention it and you don't want to face it because it isn't right_. _Not to mention the fact that over the last few weeks you've lost control of yourself when he's around_. _If it happened there would be no safety net._ She may not think it's right but she knows he means well. He always does.

----

He needed reinforcements so he talked to Billy. She didn't know about their little meeting but he was glad that Billy and her security Chief agreed. This little mission would serve two fold for Laura. She would get a much-needed break of sorts and she would be safe. _I'll see to that personally_.

---

She noticed that Billy was a little on the nervous side. Many members of her staff appeared to be walking softly this morning and she didn't know why. She collected the information for the meeting with Bill and made her way to the shuttle bay, with Billy following closely behind. Something was going on but she didn't know what. _Stop, you're being paranoid. _ She stepped onto the shuttle and sat in her customary seat for the short tip to Galactica.

It all made sense now. No wonder Billy looked nervous. She sat on the sofa stoically while Bill made his case. When he finished Roslin smiled. "Thank you, I'm flattered by your concern." _I simply can't do this because I love you and I can't stand you not knowing anymore. I need you. I need you to know but I can't tell you._

There's going to be a but in this statement. Adama smiled and sat down next to her.

"But."

There it is. Bill smiled inside; pleased that he knew her well enough to know her next move, at least for now or at least he thought he did.

"My place is with the fleet."

He looked up at her, extended a hand and brushed her cheek. "You're no good to the fleet dead. Ma'am. I don't trust Garner. I made a bad decision. Hell, I really don't know if I trust the Pegasus period. Cain may be dead but her influence still remains strong."

I need to know you're going to be safe. Stay with me. My eyes plead with her to stay and trust me. I love you but you'll never know please, just trust me. I need you to trust me.

She hates when he looks at her this way it makes her melt. Damn you William Adama. She brushes her hand against his cheek. "There's more isn't there?"

"I don't trust the Pegasus to look after you. That's all." Please buy it, please.

She smiled. No way I'm not going to buy that as the only explanation. I knew that look in his eyes. It was a look that said. We will be on my ship for a week alone with no press, no fleet. There will be time to be Laura and Bill. I don't want to break it to him. We can never be Laura and Bill. All we need is one person one slip of the tongue and we are both finished. I want it so badly though that those arguments are lost on me. I want to be Laura and I need him to be Bill. She gave in because deep down she believed him. She didn't trust the Pegasus crew to protect her and she needed an opportunity to be Laura with Bill.

"You win Admiral. I'll stay on one condition."

"What's that?" Say you want to spend time with me, please. Bill you need to grow up! I can't help I love this woman.

"We get to have some time to ourselves." She leaned against him. Hoping and praying he would say yes and he did.

---

She found herself settled in the guest quarters a short while later. Billy had the ability to be rather sneaky and probably had some help too. He had packed everything she would need for her trip. He even enclosed a note promising to look after things while she was away and to enjoy herself. If he only knew she smiled deviously. He also promised to check in daily, as they would still be in range. She tucked the note away, sat back on her sofa and smiled.

---

He sat back and read the latest report on the operation. At least having her here made this reports bearable. The price we pay for freedom. Adama looked away from the report and rubbed his eyes. It's a price in blood. She knew how he felt. Helpless. She would come over late at night and find him sitting at his desk looking over the after action reports committing the latest names to memory. It was the only time he could let his emotions show. Her mere presences allowed him a soothing comfort that he didn't normally have. She gave him the support to reach an inner peace.

--

The mission was supposed to last five days. Then the miners ran into problems and it was eight. Then there were problems again and it was another eight. She was getting tired of breaking the bad news. She was getting tired of hearing the bad news. This cylon raider was taking out pilots left and right. She came into his quarters late, almost every night, and she always found him in the same place. He would be sitting behind his desk with his head in his hands, mourning for another lost pilot. This ordeal, the whole thing, not just this mission was taking its toll on them all.

She walked over behind his desk chair and put her arms around him. He places his hands over her arms and held on tight soaking in all the comfort possible. It's okay to give into it. She pleaded silently with him. He stands up after a time and takes her fully into his arms. He takes all the comfort he needs from her. He makes sure she is safe and happy and she makes sure he is safe as well. She knows he is happy when she's there with him. They love each other and they are always there for each other. She gladly helps him through the night and he does the same for her. They are two people in love and that is what love is all about comfort. She was worried in the beginning about coming here and losing herself. She needn't worry any longer. When she loses herself he is there to catch her when she falls.


End file.
